I feel like a pro

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After spending a lot of time conducting a self-examination and a subsequent self-diagnosis, I've concluded I mysteriously pulled my groin muscle. It's a mild strain, which may explain why I don't recall the moment I injured it. [And, may I add, I am displaying remarkable restraint right this moment by refraining from further comment, including bad puns and off-colored quips.]

Treatment does not seem to include helping drive a stick-shift stationwagon for 22 hours over the next two days, with a thorough cleansing of a college dorm suite in between. But that's the course I intend to follow. Will check my progress on Sunday morning. If it works, I may just have to have a few words with the folks at WebMD.

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