The Reformation of Me (and We)
This fall I became one of the first people to sign up for a brand-new venture that combines my long-time love of writing and renewed interest in meditation. I’d earlier attended a much longer workshop led by one of the co-founders and saw my own work immediately improve.
During one group meditation in mid-November, our guide said something that stuck with me, both then and now. It was about accepting a situation for what it is and, with that acceptance, being released from some of the associated discomfort. In the days prior to that moment, I had been struggling mightily both at home and at work. An uneven work-life integration continued to take its toll on me and those around me.
Are you the same person you were at the beginning of the year? Think hard. If your answer is still yes, then please tell us what you’re taking and if you brought enough for the rest of the class. I mean, seriously. This was a very hard year, no matter if you made a lot of money off it or lost family members or friends. Suffering surrounds us, still. We’ve all been changed in ways both immediate and yet to be determined. Maybe through medical appointments. Maybe through therapy. Maybe through a permanent change in how we view our world and each other.
What we needed to do in order to survive this year is accept that for some people change is a much greater struggle and that there’s pain in clinging to resistance. That discomfort mentioned earlier. Some salute persistent pain. Others work hard to ignore it. And still others accept when something is bigger than one individual can handle and begin to let go of the control and all of the angst, anger, depression and desire that comes with such recognition. That as we age, our bodies need more kindness. Our minds, more tenderness. Our memories and aspirations, more room to roam. And for our strongest interpersonal bonds, we need an occasional application of “glue” on both ends to keep them strong.
We can still dream big, but “big” is now smaller. From a running (or hiking) standpoint, going long may just mean going long enough. It all depends on our relationship with time and how much we’re willing to cede to someone else’s orders or instructions. We no longer need to have our lives anchored to a training schedule for a race goal that suddenly seems so artificial. Instead, we can just run because we want to, and that makes that 6 a.m. outing in freezing rain all the more special. If we do prefer to follow a plan, we no longer need to drive ourselves crazy and risk long-term injury when we skip workouts and try to “catch up.” We can give our muscles and tendons their due.
We can recognize the unevenness of fortune. Millions upon millions of people got quite a scare this year, and hundreds of thousands just in the United States died alone, clinging to weepy words through a phone line as they drew in their last breaths. I now have more friends who are retired by choice than working. I still have years to go before I can join them, and I realized this year through our calls and texts and Zoom chats that they will never relate to my current life, just as I no longer am as connected to theirs. After the November elections, everyone talked about calming themselves with day hikes, spa visits, meditation, painting, new workouts, romantic getaways, home projects, shopping trips. Me? I had three work deadlines to meet, a kid to help get through online learning lessons since he cannot read or write the assignments himself, and bills for me and three mentally challenged sisters to pay. Oh, and a dog, God bless her, who continues to consume semi-decomposed carcasses she now hunts out on our daily walks.
We also cannot take our health for granted anymore. Those of us who were not gifted with good genes already know this. Those of us who wasted our own blessed biochemistry and brainpower now do too. We simply can’t continue to consume too much junk too often and not suffer consequences. Just as alcohol and tobacco are still widely available despite their links to poor health outcomes and death, do not expect companies to suddenly care about the addictive crap they create. We have to adjust our diets and our tolerance levels for those who don't.
We need to learn to stand on our own two feet; that is, if we haven't already. We can no longer physically depend on other people to help with the hard work. But we can lean on paid professionals when it gets to be too much. And, circling back to an earlier point, we should always keep others less fortunate by circumstance in our thoughts and actions. Last month I found $300 on an early morning run. Honestly, it was still dark and I thought it was a couple $10 bills so I scooped them up, looked to see if someone was nearby that might have lost the cash and then put it in my pocket and continued the run. Imagine my surprise when I got home and pulled out three $100 bills! I immediately put up flyers with my phone number, explaining where and when I made the discovery for “a thing of value.” I didn’t want to say it was cash because then I’d never know if it was returned to its rightful owner. I also noted I’d hold on to the “thing of value” for a week. When that week ended with not one call, I decided whoever lost the money could easily replace it and drove to the home of a single mother with two children who lost her company back in March. She is now, at age 55, trying to find a new job that doesn’t require child care and still struggles to make ends meet. But not once has she complained about her situation, her dramatic downsizing. She excitedly cues up with hundreds of other cars for the free school lunches and food bank lines. She shares items her children don’t like with elderly neighbors who do. I worried she might not accept my gift, but when I explained it was pure luck that I found it and therefore I was just extending that luck, she smiled and nodded.
That’s the level of kindness that’s been present on the ground level but rarely acknowledged in the press. It’s definitely been missing in public discourse. I’m hopeful 2021 will be the year we extend the reformation the coronavirus wrought, that we acknowledge and then release that discomfort. That we continue to let our stressed-out minds relax and bodies fully restore. That we let the personal and public revelations and relationship shifts that Covid-19 induced play out as they should. That we stop calling this virus a hoax and really start helping each other heal.
