Exactly a year ago I ran one of my slowest 10ks and, having failed to notice no one around my age ahead of me, hurried off without my first-place age group award. In the months to come, I signed up well in advance for fast-selling races, only to be hobbled by injury. To save a spot and $5 on the registration fee, I’d blow five to ten times that amount to be a no-show at the start.
By summer, I was still entertaining training schedules for a fall half marathon and a few 5ks, only to be sidelined again and again by injury – the same injury, acute achilles tendonitis. A familiar pattern continued to play out: I’d rest for weeks, start running on my own for short spurts, finally feel fine and rejoin a running group. Within weeks I’d re-injure my ankle. Looking back, I logged more (gas) miles volunteering to help my track club peers than I did running errands for the year.
The final assault came during a Halloween morning trail run I was hosting. Instead of turning around at the first sign of pain, I ran through it, believing that as the run’s unofficial “leader” I needed to show strength and provide direction to others. That’s not smart role modeling. When the swelling didn’t subside for a couple of weeks, I once again tucked my pride inside a now-full reserve and returned to my health care provider, who’d told me time and again to consider cycling my main form of recreation. Once I started running regularly, though, cycling had to compete for my limited time, and the convenience of running almost always won.
Plus, I had a running blog to maintain, a training group to support, and a personal identity suddenly at risk.
Just as it’s taken me a long time to notice the gradual degradation in my performances, I’ve been slow to realize what 30 years of running had done to my body because I was still chasing numbers, seeking camaraderie,
My ankle remains swollen, and that’s because of scar tissue from continual tearing during the past two years. I’m lucky I didn’t sever the tendon, and next week I’ll head to a new orthopedic surgeon (the old ones don’t have time for my foolishness anymore, and I can’t blame them). I’ll either be assigned surgery or physical therapy and, of course, be told to change my habits permanently.
This time I will not defy doctors, nor continue to delude myself, no matter how much it hurts.
23 comments:
As dismal as your options sound, I really hope that you are ultimately able to run again. It is so clear that your heart is in running, and I wish you the very best for a recovery that has you back on the roads and trails in running shoes.
I really hate to read this. I'm so sorry, Anne. I think most runners are fundamentally stubborn by nature, which can be an asset in some cases and a problem in others. I've had to go a couple of long stretches without running, and likely will again, thanks to my own crappy genetics. But hopefully you can find a doc that works with you and gets you back out there running. Best of luck.
Hi Anne! I'm anxious to hear about the meeting with the new orthopedic surgeon next week. I think it's just difficult to have a different mind-set when you believe that running is something that defined you for decades. I do believe the human spirit is adaptable though, and no matter what your outcome, you will be happy and resilient. Praying for you.
I'm so sorry Anne. I have my own personal and selfish reasons for finding it terribly difficult to read about this, as I too have spent the last year battling a seemingly endless litany of small and not-so-small injuries. I discovered running later in life, so whenever I read about someone at risk of losing running, I think about whether or not this will also be my story. I hope not, for both of us.
Before you go the surgery route check out prolotheraphy! I had 8 treatments of prolotheraphy on my left foot after YEARS of pain! YEARS! I had xrays, bone scans done to find out what was wrong with my foot and got NOTHING until I finally had a weight bearing xray done and saw where my pain was starting! I had a very odd injury-from years of pounding on my skinny ankled feet. Everytime my foot planted my big toe was rolling away from the rest of my foot-the tendons and ligaments were so weak and stretch that they couldn't support and keep my big toe and the bone togther with the rest of my foot. This cause pain that started off small and eventually was so painful I couldn't run a mile without crying! It would radiate up my foot to my ankle! I was given three options:
1. I could wrap my foot with vet wrap for the rest of my life so that the affected area had the support
2. have surgery on my foot and be out for 6 months-um NO and
3.try an alternative medicine called Prolotheraphy that I appeared to be a good candidate fo.
I decided to try prolotheraphy! I'm a believer in alternative medicine and was not going to race into surgery! Prolotheraphy, for me, was a miracle! It gave me back my running and I now run PAIN FREE! It worked fantastically on my foot. I have had it on my elbow for tennis elbow and on my left knee!
I have found that the US ski team does prolotheraphy on their knees to strengthen their tendons and ligaments.
It's not a one time treatment. I had roughly 8 treatments on my foot. The area is numbed and then my doctor injected a saline solution that acts as an irritant causing your body to heal itself. Please check it out and see if it might be for you!
My doctor is in Santa Monica and he's a rock star! He had it down when he ruptured L4 and L5. He's a triathlete.
Check out his website if you want:
http://drfields.com/ and if you have any questions call me!
I hope that your doctors visit next week is helpful. It sounds like a nightmare. Thanks for sharing.
I think most of us would have done the exact same denial/stubbornness/toughness thing you decribe here. Good luck with the new doc, and with the recovery.
For some reason, I feel like this is just a season for you. There are options, keep us posted if any of these work out for you! Please keep bloggin though because you have such a deep wealth of experience in running, working with runners and supporting everyone and besides, I'd miss your photography!
Anne I hate to read this but I can sooo relate with what you're going through. I too have been pounding the pavement for almost thirty years. I'm still delusional in trying to kid also but what can we do? I hope it goes well for you and I'll be reading.
What can I say {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Difficult news for sure. It makes me wonder how many of us are just one more stubborn decision away from a similar fate. Your running group will still have the best volunteer ever, no matter the outcome of the new docs.
this is not fun reading :( At least, as you said, you didn't completely tear your tendon. There is always hope for a comeback or reinvention. I'm sure you will find the one that suits you best and in the right timing!
I'm sorry about your troubles. I hope your doctor is a good one and that you are back on the trails sometime soon.
I think I can predict the future or, worse yet, go back and change the past – but I can’t. I envy people who can just accept what’s on their plate…
It’s not easy living in the moment – but it’s all we really have.
Know you are not alone Anne. [Hugs]
I’m wishing you a super great New Year! 2010 sounds so futuristic!
I'm sorry you have to go through this Anne. I'm hopeful that you'll get some good information from the new doc - at least something to help you some up with a solution you're comfortable with. There are lots of ways to stay with the running community - and lots to be discovered with cycling, too - it saved me when I was injured last year. Hang in there...
Hi Anne, big BIG hugs girlfriend. Pennelope will be happy to have you, and don't forget, I met some of my very best, and life long friends via a cycling club. Yes, it's not running, but it sure is fun... and you can cover twice the distance in half the time! BONUS!
I can certainly understand your pain and frustration. All I can say about my similar years of the cycle of injury was to get a new focus. And that led me (finally and eventually) to do an Ironman. I still consider running my main sport, yet I find the more I concentrate on triathlon, while the running doesn't necessarily get faster, it stays the same or gets easier. Once I started to refocus on finishing something rather than racing, things started turning around. Good luck on your future ventures. I hope you find the answer you are looking for.
Oh Anne. I am so sorry. I don't really know what to say. You must know yourself, and how to stay true to yourself but also take care of yourself and your health. And for the record, you weren't being foolish, but were following your heart, and just trying to keep on doing something you love.
I totally hear you. You know I do.
Take care.
Oh Anne, it is so frustrating and I can only imagine what you are feeling. As everyone else has mentioned, take the time, incorporate other fitness routines and maybe you will find a new passion, like triathlons, not necessarily Iron, but other distances...
Hope you will keep us posted on your doctors report.
xoxoxo
Take what I share here as things to consider not "shoulds" etc. These ideas helped me but might not suit everyone so take something you like and leave the rest.
The only good thing about things like this is they FORCE a person to learn to enjoy different cross training. There is a fine line between winning and losing and a fine line between when to run and when to quit.
There is no need to beat yourself up over it or second guess yourself into fear for the next time. You can view it as a chance to work on things that are around running. I learned to enjoy reading things like the 4 minute mile, confessions of an all night runner and watching running on the sun.
Kindest regards,
Tom Bailey
this hits very close to home with me now. time, patience, creating new habits and keeping your eye on the long term prize of your health and physical well-being are what are important now. And this time can be an opportunity to enter a new chapter of what defines your identity.
hang in there!
This story is painful to read. I hope you the best in recovering!
I just posted on my blog about "The Injured Runner" DVD. Maybe you want to check this out.
It has over 2 hours of helpful tips on how to speed recovery as well as prevent any more injury. You may find it helpful.
http://injuredrunner.com/blog/a-perfect-dvd-for-your-running-injuries/
Hope everything works our for the best!
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